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The current period signifies a full decade since the phrase “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. Initially, the concept that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the height of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a mate has only become more confounding – an oftentimes unsuccessful pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a cohort who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their millennial predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a comprehensive breakdown to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss love, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – For gen Z, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A social media test inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while radiating mystery and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This means seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people connect while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: embracing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Indicators

• Red flags – Personal traits signaling a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their exes crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits affirm your choice to pursue a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and frequently trivial repulsions that instantly shut down any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {